When The Page Won’t Turn

A SLUMP, A SPARK & TEN PAGES LATER.....

Confession

I’m ashamed to admit to you, bookish Substackers, that I haven’t read a book in months. Five, maybe. Completely stalled. Not even cracked a spine, skimmed any blurb, or flicked through. Nothing.

Yes, I’ve read articles, listened to podcasts, even half an audiobook. But not the real McCoy: not the hold-in-your-hand, lug-about, stay-up-all-night, clutch-like-a-teddy kind of book book.

Not good! Not me!

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Excuses Excuses

I’ve told myself I’ve been busy - more work, more to do, more to scroll. I even muttered the excuse that I’ve read everything on my shelf. Twice in fact. (Who am I kidding? Flimsy excuses — not the truth).

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The Truth

Really, I’ve been lost in my own head. Obsessing, worrying, chasing down mini-dramas that never actually materialise. I’ve been in a dip (no, let’s be honest - a slump) - the kind that steals time, focus, motivation, & any whiff of oomph.

And those tired internal stories? Repetitive. Predictable. And SO mind-numbingly boring! I’ve been mistaking catastrophising for drama, anxiety for plot twists. Ridiculous. Really. 

There might be some black & white, all-or-nothing, BPD-style thinking in the mix here too. And maybe ADHD fuelled procrastination: that paralysing fear of starting, fear of failing.

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The Cost

What I’ve missed out on isn’t just the reading, it’s the portal. That ability to be transported somewhere else — to stop spinning in my own head & instead live inside someone else’s. A book doesn’t just give distraction, it provides perspective (something I’ve been needing badly), a source of inspiration, magic. 

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Rekindling

This week, I’ve been trying to dismantle one particularly unhelpful loop of nano-fiction. Early days, but in the space that’s opened up — there’s been a flicker….

Yes, I picked up a book! Even better: I read the back, opened it, flicked -  & dun dun dunnnn -  I’m ten pages in. A minor miracle! 

It’s an old favourite. Short, digestible, told in bite-sized bursts. The voice: a child’s - simple, clear & disarming in its honesty. And that opening? Unparalleled. Totally off-beam.

Already I’m savouring the tiny details, the innocence, the quiet wisdom. A gentle reintroduction to a big beautiful world - way away from my tiny loop-the-loops. 

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Recommendation

I’m ten pages into Mark Haddon’s The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time. I’d highly recommend it. It’s got “all-nighter” written all over it.

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